Sleep Routines and Babies: The Truth Revealed.

   My wife and I did our share of research when we found out we succeeded in having a kid.  Perhaps the most frustrating area to try and master is “sleep”.  The truth is, every baby is different.  You will soon come across things in books and online showing sleep routines with ridiculously laid out plans like:

7am: Nurse/Bottle
7:30am: Playtime
9:00am: Morning Nap (1.5 hours)
11:00am: Playtime

   This is the most ridiculous thing ever.  Of course, before you actually have the kid in real life, one would read a plan like this and be like, “Oh OK, that seems reasonable.”  You than have the kid in your possession and this schedule is perhaps the dumbest thing you could ever read.  I’m amazed that people even get hired to write books that have these mindless simplistic plans laid out.  We try to stick to a schedule, but sweet Amelia Rose does not have it.  She sleeps when she feels like it.
   Last night was another experience where we tried sticking to a schedule/routine that Nicole had read about.  Establishing a routine for your baby.  A specific time of the night that the baby goes into its room,the lights are dim, the changing occurs, the soothing, the baby massage, swaddled up and rocked to sleep.  This ritual happens, she falls asleep and we both go down stairs and enjoy some adult time.  A glass of wine and a movie under a blanket.  15 minutes later we glance over at the baby moniter:

Paranormal Activity Amelia

   Not only is this the most frustrating thing ever to see after the lengthy sleep routine prior, but it’s also super creepy.  She doesn’t even move for a while when she starts this!  She just stares at you.  I know what your thinking, “Oh she will just go to sleep.”  Never has that happened.  It starts with this…..then it goes to crying….then screaming.  With the baby being too young for the cry it out method, we have no choice but to go back up and start again.  With Nicole bearing the brunt of similar rituals during the afternoon, I volunteered my services and went up stairs.  I slowly open the door, thinking of myself as the dad coming to the rescue!  I will pick up my baby and rock her in my arms, she will be so happy that I’m there comforting her, making her feel safe.  Of course that image is shattered when I pick her up and she screams bloody murder.  I stay calm, I rock her and sing her sweet songs while she screams louder and louder.  Now its starting to look like one of those movies where a crazy guy kidnaps someone and is completely crazy singing songs while the victim is screaming and crying, desperately trying to escape – a true horror scene.  OK so not exactly that intense of a scene, but I certainly didn’t feel like a hero.  After about a half hour of this, Nicole enters the room to see if I wanted to switch because my ears were on the verge of bleeding. The baby is transferred into the arms of my wife and immediately stops crying.   
  Unfortunately now that this behavioural pattern has been discovered, we can’t solve it that way.  Now if she does this, I have to rough it out until she stops and falls asleep which is usually about an hour…
  This has happened the past three times now for me. Fourth times a charm!?  Back to my original point, these books can piss off!  If your lucky enough to have a kid that sleeps, it will sleep. If your unlucky, then your kid won’t sleep.  There is no book for that.

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